


Archie and Maxie's Yaoi love story the best

by thememelord



Category: Pocket Monsters: Ruby & Sapphire & Emerald | Pokemon Ruby Sapphire Emerald Versions
Genre: M/M, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-09 09:39:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3244904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thememelord/pseuds/thememelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boobah</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

SO one day Maxie matsubabaaba was making his way downtown in Lilycove city. Tabitha had run out of his supply o f pokeballs or some shit idfuckign knowchangehtislatersara. So maxie was going to the great department store when may and Brendan burst out having a rampant argument about the pink dildo factory.   
“ That’s what im saying you dumbass, joel was a great customer! Fuck of course ims upposed to be mature im like 12!!!!!” May said, screaming at the young child in front of her. Suddenly the two noticed Maxie glariing atthem fram the corna. “wtf are u two kids doin here this iz a Bad part of town u dumb fucks” May then punched maxie in the face and ollied the fuck outtie.   
TNHOSE gkids shouldn’t be here theres DILDOS HERE maxie thought as he walked into the department store. The lady screamed at his ass from behind the reception desk about a g”grand new opiening on the bottom flor of the building” or something. Feeling intrigued and slightly horny for some reason Maxie decided to stop buying balls for Tabitha and fgo down to the bottom the floor.   
Darude sandstorm played in the backgorund and maxi coulnt help butt begin to jam to this sick beat. Ah yeah fucking this s is my jam YEAH FUCK YeAHhhH” He danced and SUdnEnly the eletvator opened! It opened straiht to a building ?!?! curiously maxiepad entered the strange shop, alredy regretting cuming down here. “EYO what the fucks this shit??!?” he hsouldted as he jumped into the dark stoer because the store didn’t have any light s because the hownwer was poor.   
Suddenly, a voice erupted in the shadows. It was a drk rich creamiy and familriar tone. Before maxie could process who it was, the lights flicked on and he was startled by the sheer amount of sex toys in the room. And behind the counter…. Was ARCHIE HOLY SHIT MOTHER OF GOD FUCKING PLOT TWIST GODAMNIT  
Macies SCREAMED. How swas it that his oldld rival owning sex ship??? Archie aws concerned tooo and was like “oh shit its maxie fuck what if he tells my mom I run a sex shop with the team aqua moey fuckiNG”   
The two men aqkwardly stared at each toher for a bit before archie broke the silience” uh uck macie I dindt take u for tehe kinky bastard type but damn welcome to the shipshop!” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his head as maxie stared on in horror.   
Maxie was having concfulicting feelings about this. All around him was weird as stuff,f from tangula bondage ropes, to drowsys “sexy juice” and to top it all off a yiff suit of gardevoir in the back. What the the hell was ws wrong with this old rival ? butt on the toher hand archie was p hot and maxie wsnt g onna pass up a chance to tap that even if it was in yiffyiffshipship the shop.   
“ I didn’t know thi s was wht u planend to due with ur team aqua money after the 12 year olds beat us up” Archie blushed deeply, and shrugged. “well mattt had some weird shit in the base and u know what I thought fuck ICANMAKRET THIS “ and here aI am. U came in right at opineing time if u know what I mean YE EYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEYE”   
Turning a deep red, madxie decided to just go for r it. So” he sed, picking up a bottle of lickitung lube siensually. “ can u sho me how to use this “ ARhcie was lik e HELL YEAH lemmE TAP THE FUCKign Old ass scientist booty bu t then he realized he had ad shipshop to run. What if someone cmae in ???  
Stop THINkinKING” Maxie screamed asdf he jumped over the counter and began ot make out with archie.   
All thoughts of other people faded away as THEIR touNGes battled for domincance. Darud e sandstorm started to aplay int the background dand mmaxi thrusted his hips in time and IT was SEXYYY arhcie thought. The thien head the great idea. “maxie let me show u my DONG” nad maxie was like YASSSS  
And then they were naked.   
AND IT WAS HOT. Like maxie was on FIRE and THEY Had THE bang bang sexysex tIMES. RiGht At climax ARhie shouted “Now to show you a REAL hyperbeam’ and came BULLETS OF CUM and maxie screamed. But there was someone ELSE SCREAMING. It was…. TABITHA!!!!  
Archie outskied quickly as poisssible and ran into the yiff suit of gardevoir and jumped out the window. Maxie layed there as Tabitha rushed over concerned. “boss are you ok?? I was looking for pokeballs not archieballs jesus chrsit.”  
Weakly raising his head maxie barely managed to say” Tabitha. Archie is amazing his dong is huge” before passing out. The bullet cum had killed him.


	2. Archie and Maxie become the super tsundre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE HARDENSHIPPING HELL
> 
> It all started as a rivalry  
> between team aqua and magma  
> but things went wrong somewhere along the way  
> now the leaders of said teams no longer fight  
> but rather spend their time having their tongues in each others mouths  
> they touch butts when they think nobody is looking  
> but i am there  
> i see it all  
> i try to wash my eyes  
> but the image is still there  
> may says nothing about it  
> i think she likes it  
> but it just scares me  
> there are children here  
> please get a room  
> now they are fucking  
> oh god help  
> i long for death
> 
> ~the Meme Bae Paige

Maxie stood at tha stret corner, smoking his last ciger. Tha rain pored downa from the skyh as shse held his cote closwer to himself. Tabitha had kiked him out of their house in lilycove city since the incedent last month. Tabitah was horrified tht maxers had “fraternitized with the henemy leader what the fuck man I DIDdd noT WANT TO see thE literal “Seaman”” After exscorting the scarlet haired man home, he had locked himself in hiss rume for about 10 hours. Maxie had herad him talking to what had sounded like a prebuscent monkeyMaxie ws then throwm out and told to skedaddle for about a week while Tabitah bleached his eyeballs.  
So her he was, stuck on the streets of slateprt hoping to find some sort of hotel oar shit to rest the night while Tabitha had his midoife crisis. Problem was, there was like no hotels or any other place to stay in mauville htat he could afford as he had spent all fo his money on weed. As he wearily crosse the street hes started to here music coming froma direction. Curiously he followed  
The music was comin from a club set deep I n the floor , the rain watier pooling at the door. Shruggin his hsoulders maxie decided to throw caution to the awind and just go in. The plce was called the cloyster club, and he was tired enough and still relatively high enough to think that this was a fine plce to be.  
The music plyaing turned out to be journeys don’t sotp believing. Maxie immeadiatle ythought of archie when he heard the sick beats. Tey had hbeen in rocket together and sung that song everythime they fought a child together. It was a ogod time, and he almost missed the shark bara and his weird fetish for water pokemon. Then again maxie really LOVED ground type s so he oculdnt blame him  
The club had a thin layer of water on the floor, and various portrait s of water type pokemon lined the halls. This seemdd… familiar. But before maxie could fucking outskie out the door, jounrye increased in its volume. Sighing, his curiosity go the better of him and he finally saw wht the place was.  
Immeadiately he tried to run, trusting his instincts that he was snOT Ready to deal with this right now, but a rough hand on his shoulder grabbed him and steeredhim inot the rest of the building.  
“Ey asswhipe you want access to the shipshopstripclub, you gotta pay.” It was a buff man with what looked to be a team aqua logo badly scribbled away with blck markers hon his chesast.  
Immenslty scarred, Maxwell decided to fucking get out of there as fast as possible. “ehehehehehe, sorry wr-wrong building I just heard this amazing music and was lik-“ He was cu t off as a loud gasp erupdted from the buff fucker. “OH Wait A FUCKIngS SEcODN I REmEMBEr U!!!” He grabbed maxers by the rist and drgge him into the strip club.  
It was dark and nearly flooded. So mny sharkpedoos where the ir maxieman was scared they were gonnna bight his dick clean off. Matt finished draggin hi up to one of the poles. Maxie immideiatley broke his glases to avoid seeing any penisis because he was done. THERE were people everywherreee dancing all sexy on poles. What the fuck was ths. What the ufkc was this. Maxie was a simple man. He payed his taxes, and worked his whole life. Sure he nearly killed everybody in a rash decision to try and destroy the ocean, but he didn’t deserve THIS.  
“Unhand me you fool! I am the great maxie matsubababa and I canno-“ he was cut off on his rant by a sharp gasp. Looking up, he saw a lbury form rapidly aprouchikng him. iT was… archie!!  
“wait thwat the fuck??? Oh my arceeus this is fuckin great!!!” archie screamed, ripping the stropper pole he ws on in half. “I thought u weerre dead so I had to lcoe my shipshop and start this thing up!!” Maxie spluttered in amazement he thoughtht archie never wanted to see him again after the amazing time they had back in the shipshop. But hwere he was hugging him!!!  
The entire strip joint wass still going on while archie drgged maxie away from the crowsds of people looking at shelly twerking her ass off to a more privte room. “how did u survive maxiersss???” archie cheerfully asked as they stat athtey edge of fhis bed. iT was blue and smelle like weed. So much weed.  
“Idk mani somehow didn’t die from the bullet cum wtich was by the way p hot.” Maxie stuttered, flustered by the piorximity of the man. “I really e-enjoyed myself with theat tho.”  
Archie blushued “m-maxie senpai… I i… wouldyoubeinterestedindoingthtagain??”  
AMxie nodded dong already expanding. Archie closed and locked the door and then they were super naked and doing the buttsex  
“OH ARCHIE YEAH FUCK YEAH OH YEAH FUCK YEAH THIS IS IT ITHSI IS HITT FUCKYEAH FUCK YEAH I THE GREAT MAXIE AH AYEAH ‘ and they did the do some more.  
Outside in the strip club, Brendan nervously cluthted his hat. Mya had dragged himm here and thenn went of f with her girlfriends nizzza and the contest bitch leving hism alone with the butts. Honestyyly brendnend was scared. He was only 12. He shodlnt have to deal with this.  
He heard screams coming from one room and hererrecognized them. It was archibald and maxWELL. Brendedn felt faint. He was so sick fo this.. Grabbing his phone, he daled the NUMBER of one of his best friends. taBItha.  
“oh fuck that was gr8 m8” archie stated as he and maxie snuggled after the bangarang. Maxiee sighted in contentment with this. The bara pirate was good at sex and in all honesty, his personality wasn’t thattt bad aswelll. All the tyimes they fought, and the one time attt team rocketracoon…. What if they weren’t tt meant to be in hate but in super yaoi love story the best?” arcross from him archie was thinking about maxie in a swimsuit and also marriage  
But THEN THERE WAS BANG ON DOOR  
Archies mom runs in flowed by taBITHA!! “Stahp right there sonnie you aint bangin my SWEET LITLTE PIRAT4” she punted maxie across the room. “im sorry boss but you caint yiff the pirate I mean were team aqua, and you know how lava and water reacts. We cant have you two hardening around each other.” He and brendnend then high fived and ran carrying maxie.  
Archy ie was stunted literally ihis mom had a stun gun. What had just happneenend??? Why wasss Tabitha so against him and amxies love?? As he lay there twitching gggg in the room, he sawww a dark sillouetteee crosss the door and then blacked out.  
TO BE CONTINEUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have listened to Darude Sandstorm atleast 20 times while writing this.  
> I long for death.  
> Dedicated to the biggest piece of trash I fucking know, Paibe.  
> This is our hell.


	3. The mega gays face the godly punishment and also make out lots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess who is a boss ass bitch  
> thats right nerd its me  
> yeah you heard right  
> the one who saved the world   
> beat team aqua and magma to a pulp  
> boss ass bitch  
> thats may  
> in regards to brenden  
> yeah  
> he is in the corner crying  
> i have no idea why  
> well i keep hearing all sorts of noises in the next room  
> from moans to screams  
> but it doesn’t bother me  
> because i am a boss ass bitch  
> (also brenden is a fucking pussy)
> 
> ~Meme Lord Paige

Archie woke up slowlyyy head plundin. Eve rythin hurt lik a bitch, especially his hot pirate ass. But that was probbbably from him and maxie doing the do-wait!!! MAxieMAN!!! Archie shott up in bed with ta gasp screaming ‘HolY SHIT WHAT THE Fuck where IS THAT lAVa FUckER AW NAH” but hit head on ceiling. Swearing he collapsed back inta tha bed cryoing now.  
A voice from the corner suddenly rang outt. “wow u lil bitch, it was one taser jeus”. It was… MAY!!! the shipshop??? What happened wher-“ May cut him off quikly. “well ya mom came and fuckingg tazered ya dumb ass then took your yaoi boyfriend away or something. Me and my girls picked ya up and took ya back to hour secret base.”   
Looking roud archie realized tht he was in as hrubb shrub base!! He hd flsabacks to the shrub where he an dmaxers had almost-!! Damdn he needed to get his baibe back. Flip flopping outa bed he STUMPBLED to the door. “may thnk you for helpin me but why? Why help me even after I dtried to get the fish And enrealy flooded the worlkd with fish dsperm?”   
Mya shrugged. “I honestly don’t give two fucks about your love life man, but I own the company that hired and funded your little shipshops, and you’ve been a valuable asset. I cant let that go to waste. Plus brendans a fucking pussy who needs to get over himself I mean seriously you leave the kid alone in a strip club for like FIVE minutes so you can go see a hot pirate lady and he goes off and does this shit. Take what you need, I’ll have my bro come pickyou up. I know here your mom took him”   
Archie chugged a gallon of salt water as he preprared to leave. He needed to find maximan and confess all of his feelings to himmm and then get married and have child. He couldn’t tlet his mmom ruiN THIS lovee. May was so swood helping him outy. Mmy guesteried out of the shrub snd he followed, right in front tof the grassy field was a carr witch was weird because there wstn a single car in aLL of hoenn only in kalos I mean what the fuck was a car doing here?  
The window slowly roled down and a green head popped out, decked in gold chains and sunglesses. “get in motherfucker.” It was….WALLY!!!!\

Macies pasced the walls of heis cell, rubbing his receeding hairline in frustration. He oculd t believe the NERF of Tabitha and Brendan. Imprissoning the gr8 maxie in this cell, strippign him of his dignitity infront of Archibald. He had been grbbed and thrown uncerimonially into a cell with steve stoner. Apparently he had tried to yiff a literal rock and had gotten his dick cut off. Maxie swas in… the a team aqua base!!!1  
‘steven I know u r only interested in roks and ur soudden lack of a dick but can u pls help me get out of here I cant walk thru these barsss.”   
Stevn sdidnt respond clutching rocks to the remiants of his dick. Hy the hell were Tabitha dn archie’s mom keeping him here//? Whey why they @ the aqua base? Why wweree brendand nad tabitah best friendsss? How was aqua still around even tho the author stated it was dissolved ot make a sex hshop?All of these questions and more flooded thru his headasdfd ads he tried to eskpce the cell even tho the autor would enver answer them.   
Suddenly, he had and idiear! “camerupt camerupT I CAN Use mY acamperupt!!!” the momn cme out of his ball looking disappointed and sad w/ his life. Eh looked like mmaxi em an was a disspaintment to him.   
“camerupt buRN THESE BARS THE LIKE THE FIRES OF PASSION BURn in my AHeart for ARCHIE’ Camerupt fell flat on the bars crhsign them. He was dead. Steven had thrown an rock thru his hearttt. Steven rushed bapast running torwards door. Maxine was saddened by the dead of his beleoeved camel, but he had no time to mourn, he needed to ge tout!   
Runnin up da stares, everybody walk the dinosaur playing in the distance, he passed the roommms in the team aquaquqa base. He needed to find a way out. He finaly thought he was nearly out as he saw a sign statieing exit pointing to a warpy bad but suddney. TaBITHA.   
“boss what the fuck. How did you-“ steven ran past screaming, courtneys head clutched in his jaws. “oh.” He gulped. “I guess I took for granite how thick those bars were. But neverthe less boss. You wont be escaping!” He flexed his musicles ass he ook a battle stance.   
But maxie was tired. He didn’t understandnd why Tabitha was doing this. “tbitha hwy u do this? I liovearchie he is a hot pirate stop judging me and my lifestyle joices jesus chrsit u pompous bastard ass bitch fucking lame ass shorts poopass hair dinky ass koffing.”   
Tabitha glared at him. “I don’t have to answer anything mr. shark yiffer.’ The two glared at hheach other for sometimeibefore the glowpad transporter lit ppppup. It was matt!! He didn’t sea maxie and walked ogre to Tabitha. “hey bbe “ he sed as they KISSED>   
Maxie gasped and ran STARtled! As he heard Tabitha scream “I will crush u “ Torwards the inferior shark bara. This was OTOO MUCH. 

Archie akqwardly sat in the back of wally’s pimpmobile as im sexy and I know it played. “why the hell are they at my Old base ??? I don’t sea how this is pissable I got it tore down to pay for the shipshop?” wally was a stone cold pimp so he didn’t answer, only drove. Soon, they were at the base. Archie jumped otut da car and dove into the water swimming his wy to the palce. He ran in, pushing past aqua logo ofter aquoa logo. Before soemtone suddenly materialized in front of them.   
“”ooOF what eh FCULK” they screamed in uniosn. It was maieer?11/111/1/1/?!!!!!!1 ‘oh my god babe I thought I lost you!!” archie moanded as they hgged and bumpbed agints wall.  
2w“oh mand me too ubt I ecaped and it all good now!!!” he screamed crying and then the Y were AMAKIng out and their tongues wer frenchign and it wa so so hoooot.   
“oh maxie never leave me again!!!” archie scremed as he grabbed his DICK.maxie grabed archies dick and ate it I doknt know insert blowjob eaupinishm here. It was hot.   
A low growling stopeed thir fornification howeve.r It was STEVEN. He had several heddas now and so many rocks. Maxie and arhci ebrappbed each other in fear as steven advanced forward.   
“archie I always loved u “ Maxie whispered as he prepatred to hve his magma dick ripped off. Archie was cring and thinking about titties. THOWMp a big force suddnely knocked steven across that room!!!!!! It was Tabitha and matt. “cmon boss!!” they grabbed eatch other nd ran out the door, maxien d arechie still making out. Tem aua buling exploded beind them ands archies mom lit the fucKIG FUSE.   
“tbitha hhhwat made u change your mind. “??? Maxie asked, still touching archies ass. “well maxie, I discovered that the term for me and matt together is seamountshipping. And matt is hot. I want him to mount my sea if you know what I mean!” And they laughed and laughed as the fiers licked their backs. A few hundred feet away, may was screaming at Brendan. He had been reading professor oak/Giovanni fanfiction this entire time.   
Epilogue:  
Maxie and archie got married and lived the yaoi love sotyr the best. They had 17 child.   
Matt and Tabitha died in a freak dick breaingking incident. No one caredd.   
Shelly turned out to be the best fucking striper of all time and took over the shipshop. She was still the hottest one there, and wondered what had happened to her boss.   
Wally is still the most stone cold pimp ever made.   
Brendan was still a fucking pussy ass bitch. Fuck you Brendan. He thought professor oak was hot and later got arrested for embezziling.   
May went on to form a global crime organization dedicated entirely to yuri.   
Wallace wasn’t in this fucking fanfiction im SORRY OK>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cant fucking believe i finished this. Fanart for the first chapter right here:http://hardenshippinghell.tumblr.com/post/110206446717/pls-read-archie-and-maxies-yaoi-love-story-the  
> Dedicated of course to the friend who started it all, the biggest piece of shit I know. Paige i hope you rot in hell you glorious bastard. This will not be my final pokemon fanfiction. It has only just begun.

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Paige let us rot in hell together you meme fuck


End file.
